okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
