he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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