I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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