I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
