new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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