Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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