im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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