you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
