Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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