If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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