saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
