yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize
