I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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