the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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