I accidentally burped into my bong.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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