You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
