I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
