Soap is not a condiment
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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