Cold hands, warm shart.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
