I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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