Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
