I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize