Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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