U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
