The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
