Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
