I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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