So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
