I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
