not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
