Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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