He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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