turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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