Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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