She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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