I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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