you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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