I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
