He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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