I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
well, you know. whores of a feather.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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