I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
