Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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