i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
