i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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