How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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