Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
