Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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