You work out of a Hotel?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
