there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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