My Higher Power is John Stamos
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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