So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
