lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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