he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize