Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
