I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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