I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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