bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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