I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
