This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
