I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
