god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
