New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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