He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
