We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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