Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize