like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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