I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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