Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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